Of Appliances and Offspring

I'm sure I'm not alone in this. At least I hope I'm not...

For those of you will children of a certain age, you may have come across a time when jokingly talk to them about how much they are worth. I was having such a conversation with my 9 year-old daughter, and I opined that I could probably trade her in for a toaster oven.

I know, I know. I go too far, and often hurt her feelings in my unknowing male way. This time, she got very incensed, and announced that in her opinion, she was worth much more than a toaster oven.

Well, obviously, she was right. In my following attempt to smooth things over, I considered three things that I know very well about my daughter:

1. She had been studying essay writing in school.
2. She really wanted to be published somewhere.
3. She was saving money for Christmas presents.

So, I laid a challenge on her. If she could write me a standard, three point essay on why she was of more worth than a toaster oven, I would pay her a dollar for the (limited) rights, and publish it on my blog. She subsequently produced the work, and gave it to me for publication. One of the terms of publication was that I couldn't edit it at all. So, here it is, just as she wrote it. A transcript follows. Enjoy!

Why a Daughter is Better Than a Toaster Oven

By Emily

This essay is about why a daughter is better than a toaster oven. A daughter is better than a toaster oven because they do chores for you, you get stuff from them, and they make meals.

Daughters can do chores for you. They can; make beds, set the table, poop scoop, and many other things. Daughters are very useful.

You get an extra present if you have a daughter, like PS2 games, or other things. As I have said before, daughters are very useful.

If you train them daughters will make meals. They can make dinner when you can sit down and watch TV. Daughters are very useful.

I think daughters should be replacing toaster ovens. And I hope you do too.