Oh, the Windows have lovely Vistas...

You may have heard by now that the new Microsoft Windows Vista is about to hit the stores. As with all new releases of Windows, Vista will, of course, install easily and perform flawlessly.

For those of us who actually use computers while awake, in addition to the new Vista Support Center, Microsoft have pledged to continue to support all previous versions of Windows.

Right.

In shocking news, a copy of the new Microsoft Support Center Upgrade Plan has been discovered. Here's what will supposedly happen when a Windows user calls Microsoft for help...

Call answered on second ring (by computer, of course)

Credit card information obtained through touch-tone keypad input.

Music and Vista ads, while credit card information verified.

Caller invited to press keypad button #1 to #0, to indicate version of Windows, with the following results:

#1 - Windows Vista: Forward call to Bangalore, as normal

#2 - Windows XP: Laugh heartily

#3 - Windows 2000: Laugh even more heartily, and joke about "Y2K"

#4 - Windows ME: Pretend that version never existed

#5 - Windows 98: Act as if the caller had just said their mother had died

#6 - Windows NT: Initiate remote "Blue Screen of Death" and hang up

#7 - Windows 95: Direct user to telegram-based support line

#8 - Windows 3.1: Direct user to smoke-signal-based support line

#9 - OS X: Trace call and forward information to Microsoft "black ops" agents

#0 - Linux: Scream and hang up