Watch those catalogs...

Returning home from church today, my 8 year old son and I were discussing important events.

"Wyomissing. Home of the Spartans" he read.
"I thought that Sparta was home of the Spartans" I said wisely.
"Didn't you know they moved?" interjected my inspiring and amazing wife (who incidently holds the title of 'Top Goalscorer' of the Wyomissing U8 Moms Soccer Team - Go Honey!!!)
"Anyway, they wore rubber underwear" said my son.

Silence for a moment. A very brief moment. Followed by laughter, followed by a chorus of "WHAT??????"

"Well, it was something stretchy. It was in the picture."

More silence. More laughter.

Confused, I tried to figure out what he meant. Then it struck me. I managed to get on the mailing list for a mail order company called Museum Replicas. It's very exclusive...you can only qualify to be on the list by being alive...maybe.

Anyway, I let my son look at the latest catalog, because he's really into Romans, and they had some cool gear...like this:

Trouble is, I'd forgotten that they also do a whole line of merchandise from the movie "The 300." Here's their take on a warrior of ancient Sparta:

Hence the "rubber underwear."

Note to self: Be more careful with catalogs. Fortunately I'm not on a certain popular lingerie manufacturer's mailing list...yet.

Please don't let them know I exist!

Failed...

I recently came across the Fail blog. It's basically a collection of (sometimes VERY funny) pictures and videos of things that, well, failed. Here's an example:

Well, I've decided to have a go at this. Please feel free to send me any photos you think qualify (just click on my profile.)

Here's my first, this was taken at a Target store, that apparently had signage problems. Enjoy!

Not as advertised

Things don't always go the way I imagine them. I'm sure this never happens to you...

Take the other day for instance. I belong to a Men's Small Group at my church. We've been meeting now for a number of years at 6am Thursday mornings. It's a great time to socialize, have breakfast together and study different male issues in a biblical way.

Right now, we're going through a video series called "Winning at Work and Home". The teacher has some great insights into relationships.

Some are not so great.

"Make your wife feel secure." suggested Robert "Security is one her her biggest needs." He went on to give an example: "I looked my wife right in the eye, and said 'Honey, I hope you like my face, because you'll be seeing a lot of it. I am not going anywhere.'" Apparently, Robert's wife was made to feel really secure by this.

Inspiring stuff! Determined to make my wife feel just as secure as Robert's, I went home that night after work and sat with her.

I looked her in the eyes.

I smiled and said "Honey, do you like this face? You're going to be seeing a lot of it."

I waited for the anticipated look of security to show up in my wife's face.

She looked more like this.

"Have you been fired?" she gasped. "What's wrong?" I had to reassure her that I did still have a job, and that nothing was, in fact, wrong. Far from making her feel secure, my words had scared her out of her wits!

Can't wait to try the next suggestion...

The Story So Far...

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Good move.

Thousands of years later, I was born.

About a quarter century later, mankind was stunned as the world's most desireable woman married me.

Spin on a decade or so. My incredible and creative wife convinced me to start a blog. This one.

I didn't WANT a blog.

I didn't NEED a blog (see my tagline?)
I've never LIKED WRITING!

I HAD A BLAST!!!

Fast forward two years. I totally stopped blogging. I'm really not sure why, just did.

One year later, I'm suddenly inspired to start again.

Let's see where it goes. Care to join me?

Romantic tip #217...

Wow, it has certainly been a while since the last thrilling installment of "Squid On The Grill!" My sincerest apologies to my loyal fan.

Well, something happened this weekend that inspired me to once again digitize the obscure ramblings of my feeble mind. First, a little setup...

The following is from Gregory Godek's awesome book "1001 Ways To Be Romantic". I believe that it should be required reading for every man who is in (or wants to be in) a relationship with a member of the fairer sex.

217

Understand the difference between a gift and a present.

A present is something you’re giving the receiver because it’s something you want him or her to have.
A gift is something that you’re sure the receiver wants.

(Don’t bother looking up the words “gift” and “present” in the dictionary. Technically, they’re synonyms. But then, what does Webster’s know about romance?)

When a man gives a woman lingerie – guess what?! – nine times out of ten it’s a present. When he gives her favorite perfume, it’s a gift. This is not to say that one is better than the other. Gifts and presents are just different. Knowing the difference between a gift and a present will help both of you stay “in-tune” with each other and avoid unrealistic expectations and possible hard feelings.

Note: Items can sometimes be both gifts and presents at the same time. It depends on the item in combination with the recipient’s individual personality.

As a child, I probably could have used a little less self-focus when it came time to buy gifts. I actually stretched the definition of presents to actually be "something you're giving the receiver because it's something you want him or her to have so you can borrow it!" My poor mother would often receive tool sets, and my dad once got a copy of a music video I was particularly interested in. I doubt that he ever watched it, but I certainly did.

I need to dust off my copy of Godek's book and read it again. Maybe then I wouldn't be confused (and yes, a little disappointed) when my wonderful and ever-giving bride is less-than-enthused about the present I tell her I'm about to buy her...

Sorry, Sweetie. Would you, by any chance, need a good screwdriver set instead?

You say it's your birthday?

From the Beatles:

They say it's your birthday!

It's my birthday too, yeah!

They say it's your birthday!

We're gonna have a good time!

I'm glad it's your birthday!

Happy birthday to ya!

This song could be sung in our house today! Happy Birthday to Emmy Pie, and my enticing and adorable wife! Yes, October 15th does double duty in our house, as far as birthdays go!


I just wanted to tell you both that I think you're both wonderful, and have enriched my life (and indeed the lives of a few other people) in many more ways than you know. I also wanted to say...

Love you both!!!

Two from Number Two

One.


Recently, my six year old son (alias Number 2 Edward) took it upon himself to write a report on bats. This wasn't a school project, something from his co-op learning group or even homework, he just likes bats and decided to research and write a report on them. My daughter had done something similar a little while ago.

Gentle Reader, I don't know if you have children of your own, but I'm guessing that if you do you think that they are pretty special. Well, I'm here to tell you that my kids ROCK!

Here's Edward's report:

Don't you just love that all the bat pictures are very similar, except the Vampire Bat has big teeth (only visible when its wings are up), and the Fruit Bat is flying over fruit!

Two.

Tonight, I was driving home from doing some errands with Number 2 while the fairer members of the family were shoe shopping. I tried calling my alluring and infinitely-blog-worthy wife to see if she and my daughter were ready for a ride home. Alas, she did not pick up, and all I got was her call-back music. Well, the music she picked happens to be one of my favorite tunes, and I found myself singing along with it:

"You're the most colorful thing that I see.

You're the most beautiful thing that I see."

Well, Number 2 thought that I was leaving a message, and said "Yeah, that's what I think about Mommy too!"

That kid will go far, right Mommy?