Am I lucky, or what?

I think that I must be luckier than most people. Just in the past week, I have received e-mails informing me that I have won both the UK and South African lotteries! Whoo-hoo! What makes this even more amazing is that I didn't even play!

By the way, if you happen to be the imbecile sending out these scams, it's a bit of a giveaway when your e-mail address ends with ...@yahoo.co.jp. I think that the national lottery commission of most countries would be able to afford their own e-mail domain. Just a thought.

Anyhoo, I recently received the following e-mail. Take a look:

From: Mrs. Kate Solomon.

Beloved Is your Turn to Shine !! Reply As you Are Chosen By God.

I am Kate Solomon now undergoing medical treatment for cancer. I am married to Dr. Peter Solomon who worked with South Africa embassy in Malaysia for nine years before he died in the year 2000. Before my Husband died, we both make a deposite of a total sum $7.6M in a Finance Company in Europe. Recently, my Doctor told me that I few month to live due to cancer problem. Having known my condition I have decided to donate this fund to a honest Person.

My Attorney will issue you a Letter of Authority from Court naming you the original Beneficiary of these funds. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Hoping to hear from you.

In His Arms. Mrs. Kate Solomon.

The e-mail went on to ask for more personal details...

Wow! $7.6M for me! No more searching through my desk drawer for change when the vending machines call! Now I can up my kid's allowance!

But wait, could this be a scam? Surely not, the poor woman is obviously genuine. Still, in the interests of due diligence, let's take a look at this offer...

From: Mrs. Kate Solomon.

- Any relation to King Solomon? That would certainly explain the money!

Beloved Is your Turn to Shine !! Reply As you Are Chosen By God.

- What exactly does this mean? Am I supposed to use the money for some sort of body polishing procedure? Can I assume that since I received this offer that I am Chosen By God, or do I wait for devine revelation before replying?

I am Kate Solomon now undergoing medical treatment for cancer.

- Nice introduction. This does raise a concern for me though. Wouldn't Kate need the money for medical bills? Even if she's got great health insurance, the co-pays would probably be quite high.

I am married to Dr. Peter Solomon who worked with South Africa embassy in Malaysia for nine years before he died in the year 2000.

- OK, this is being a little picky, but wouldn't it be more accurate to say that she was married to Dr. Pete? Also, if working for the South African embassy in malaysia for nine years can net you $7.6M, can anyone tell me how I can work there?

Before my Husband died, we both make a deposite of a total sum $7.6M in a Finance Company in Europe.

- Why? Also, if you put $7.6M on deposit for seven years, wouldn't you expect some sort of return on your investment? Even my ING account gets a little interest. (Let me know if you want your own account, and we'll split the recommendation incentive!)

Recently, my Doctor told me that I few month to live due to cancer problem. Having known my condition I have decided to donate this fund to a honest Person.

- A few "month" to live? Hope I'm not too late... Also, who told you I was honest? Oh, that's right, this is from God.

My Attorney will issue you a Letter of Authority from Court naming you the original Beneficiary of these funds. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

- Accordingly to what? Why is she throwing in some legal speak? Surely if God said I'm an honest person, this assurance is superfluous and possibly insulting! Also, if Kate has secured the services of a lawyer, why is she writing her own letters? C'mon Mr Attorney, what's he paying you for? The woman's dying for goodness sake!

Some further thoughts...

• If God picked me for this, why does He need more information? Isn't He omniscient? Surely He already knows all He needs to!
• Why should God get the banks and lawyers involved? Couldn't He just make the money appear in my living room?

You know what? I'm going to pass on this offer. I wish Mrs. Kate Solomon and her money the very best, and go back to my spam folder. Apparently, I've inherited millions from an uncle I never knew existed.

Must be my lucky day!