Another Sign of the times

Dave Barry's Blog calls these "Signs of the Apocalypse". He may be right.

Here's another thing that bugs me. Maybe I'm picky, maybe not. You be the judge.

So, I'm in Barnes and Noble, the awesome (i.e. better than Borders) bookstore. I'm trying to navigate my way to the books of higher intelligence and learning, when I come across a lady looking for a book. She is standing as far back from the bookshelf she's looking at as possible, actually almost leaning against the opposite shelf.

So, if I want to get past, I have to walk right in front of her. I absolutely hate doing this, as I was brought up to see this as rude. But, apart from trying to find another route through the store, she has left me no choice. So, I begin to walk in front.

I'm sure that you can figure out what happened next. A split second before I was directly in front of her, she saw the book she needed, and literally pounced on it. Fortunately, I was keeping alert, and narrowly managed to avoid a collision.

I'm trying to be more tolerant, I really am. Trouble is, just as you can't design something to be "idiot-proof" (they are always coming out with new and improved idiots), just when I think I'm getting to be more tolerant, someone always comes along to prove me wrong.

Guess God's not finished with me yet.

WIGTI

Well, I've come up with another new word. Actually, this one is more of an acronym, kid of like ASAP.

The word/acronym is WIGTI.

Here's the story.

I sent out a proposal yesterday to one of our Manufacturer's Representatives (M.R.). This M.R. will remain nameless, as will his Associates.

Anyway, today, Friday afternoon, I get an e-mail from the M.R. telling me about the things he forgot to ask for. Of course, he needs them right away, and copies the customer.

Hence, WIGTI is born. When I Get To It. I've shared this new word with my cubemunity. I think that it might catch on.

So, Mystery M.R., if you're reading this, you'll get the additional stuff WIGTI.

Sign of the times

I am becoming increasingly disappointed with society at large. Let me give you a recent example.

I was driving to work, carefully obeying all traffic laws and speed limits, when I noticed that the woman driving the car in front of me was talking on her cellphone.

Sometimes this behavior bothers me, but usually only if the driver is obviously distracted from driving, which is as far as I'm concerned, the primary activity of a driver.

Anyway, idlegrass. Back to the story.

The woman pulled up to a red light, and turned on her right turn signal. So far, everything is fine. She appears to be a good driver. Now, in our state, we are allowed to make right turns on red, if the road is clear.

I looked to the left.
The road was clear.
The woman didn't move.
She continued to talk.
OK, maybe she's a cautious driver. That's OK.

I looked to the left again.
The road was still clear.
A party of octogenarians, complete with walking frames had judged that this was a safe time to cross, and were making their slow way across the road.
The woman still didn't move.
She continued to talk.
OK, this is beyond cautious. This is becoming not OK.

I looked to the left for a third time.
Sloths were making their way across the road, delighted at their good fortune in finding such a quiet place to cross. A turtle with a broken leg had just reached the other side. Children were marking up a hopscotch game in the middle of the road. This was a clear road. They don't get any clearer.
The woman still didn't attempt the turn.
Her conversation showed no signs of slowing up.
Oh, I get it! She's obviously too stupid to know the law about turning right on red!
I decided to give her a gentle reminder with my horn.

Up until this point, nothing I had observed was out of the ordinary. A driver had simply been distracted by her cellphone conversation. Nothing strange there. It was her next action that completely gobsmacked me.

She turned around in her seat, looked my in the eye, lifted up her cellphone and pointed to it, as if to say "I'm on the phone!" Apparently, this should have satisfied me. In actual fact, I was shocked at this course of action, that my first reaction was one of contrition, as though I was being rude to think that she should be driving first, and chatting second.

Well, the next thing I knew, the light turned green, and the woman drove away. I continued driving to work, and the incident was over.

By the way, if you happen to know the woman in my story, please ask her to give me a call. I'd love to chat.

Just ask her to pull over first.

Bigtrak

While researching pictures for a previous post, I came across this. In a fit of nostalgia, I e-mailed the picture to my charming and creative wife, who suggested I should blog about it. She's right, of course!

This was Bigtrak, my absolute favorite toy, favorite that is, until it met with a premature demise. More about that later.

BigTrak was my first robot and my first computer, all in one loveable 6-wheeled, laser-cannon-equipped, white plastic body.

It was so cool! You used a keypad on its back to program it to drive around, fire laser blasts at family pets, and knock things over. It used a programming language similar to LOGO. I truly believe that it gave rise to my love of all things geekish.

Now sit right back, and I'll tell you a tale, the tale of a fateful trip. That started from a tropic port... oops, wrong story. Where was I? Oh yes...

Bigtrak's life was tragically cut short, due to the excessive enthusiasm of its operator. I came up with the ultimate challenge: could Bigtrak navigate around my neighbourhood? To make this even harder, could Bigtrak do it... unattended?

The short answer is... no. After painstakingly programming the beast, and waving goodbye as it left my gate, I waited in vain for its return. After waiting forever, or at least five minutes (after all, I was a kid) I went to look for my lost toy.

Bigtrak had apparently left the sidewalk (or pavement, after all I am British), and neglected to look both ways before crossing the street. I had programmed Bigtrak to drive right into Silicon Heaven.

I was sad, devastated, heartbroken, remorseful, and crushed.

But not as crushed as Bigtrak.

New word!

I've hit on a new word. I've checked the dictionary, but it doesn't exist. So remember, you heard it here first.

The word is:

cubemunity \'kyüb-'myü-net-ē\ n, pl -ties 1 : a unified body of individuals working in the same group of cubicles or "cubes" within a workplace

So, there you have it, folks! The birth of a new word. Remember to use it every day, and think of me, trapped in my own cube while you do.

Sexism Part 1

Architecture

When you think of sexism, does architecture immediately spring to mind?

No?

Read on...

As part of my job, I sometimes get to layout paging speakers on building plans. Know what I've discovered? The men's and women's bathrooms are nearly always the same size.

"So?" I hear you say, "How is that sexist? Surely, that's the very epitome of equality?"

"Aha!" is my answer to you. Due to the relative sizes of urinals versus bathroom stalls, you can get more fixtures per square foot in a men's bathroom than you can in a women's bathroom of the same size. Also, on average, men take less time in the bathroom than women do.

Still not convinced? Think about this: How many times have you seen a line outside the men's bathroom?

Sexism in architecture. It's out there, and it does no-one any good. So, all you architects, please consider this, and put in enough bathrooms for the girls!

Explanations

Not much to say today. So let's go to some questions...

Question: Squid on the grill? Where did you come up with such a wonderful and creative name?

Answer: I'm so glad you asked. Here's the story. In our house, my beautiful and wonderful wife would be making dinner, and one or both of the kids would ask her what she's making. Well, every now and again, when they found out what we were having, one or both of the kids would have a less-than-ecstatic-reaction, annoying my talented and engaging wife. So, to avoid this, the menu-du-jour became a closely guarded secret, with the same clearance level as the location of the hide-a-key fake rock at NORAD.


Well, as you can imagine, our kids respected this decision, and never asked again. Ha! Anyone who believed that last statement are obviously not parents. If you're thinking of becoming a parent, go read some Dobson first.


Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... The kids still asked. So when they asked, the answer "Squid on the grill" came into my head. And stuck. Just ask my kids.

Question: Is your sense of humor really dry, or are you just mean?

Answer: I'm just mean. Who wants to know? No, just kidding!!! My creative and graceful wife was worried that people who didn't know me well would get the wrong idea about me. She suggested that I put a "smiley" after any humor I might accidently insert into my otherwise serious posts. That's a good idea, and who knows, I might remember to do it sometimes. But, if I forget, please assume I'm being funny (or trying to).

Well, that's all for today. Keep those questions coming in, and if advertisements ever appear on this blog, click on them several thousand times. Thanks!

:)

Tonight...

Well, the VBS is just about over. All that's left is the wrap-up session/party. Mmm, hot dogs! As Captain Cooky's partner, First Mate Brad Krumbs would say: "FOOOOOOOOD!"

Blog Snob? No. Newbie? Maybe...

I didn't know blogging could be so hazardous.

Last night, I was called two names, that I cannot remember ever being called before. The worst part of this is, that one of the names came from my wonderful (usually), loving (always), beautiful (forever) wife!

She was IMming (sp?) with one of her friends, and the subject of "Squid on the grill" came up. I'm sure everybody talks about that on a regular basis. I do, as my kids will testify. Anyway, my wonderful (usually), loving (always), beautiful (forever) wife directed her to my blog. The friend tried to leave a comment, but was foiled in her attempt, as I had neglected to set-up the comments section correctly.

So, according to the friend, I am now a "Blog Snob". I heartily object to this.

My wife came to my rescue, labelling me as a "Newbie" instead.

Well, maybe it's my ego talking, but I am usually very good with computers. I just haven't had much time to play around with my blog yet. Not that I even needed or wanted one. VBS has been taking up all my spare time. Oh, by the way, Captain Cooky remembered (most) of his lines quite well!

If I turn off the ego, I guess that I could be called a "Newbie". But "Blog Snob"? I don't think so. If you disagree, go ahead and leave a comment - I fixed the problem.

Countdown to VBS - T minus 1 day

I'm involved in our church's VBS (Vacation Bible School) this year. OK, technically, I was last year too, but the extent of my duties was to cajole my shy four-year-old son to participate. Anyway, this year, I have the lead role in the nightly skit. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce Captain Chris P. Cookie!

I'm supposed to be learning my lines.
I have a lot of lines.
I don't know my lines.
VBS starts tomorrow.

Did you ever have to do something that you really have to do, but don't want to? If you're like me, you can get very creative in finding new and interesting ways to not do what you should be doing in a "doing it" kind of way.

For example:

• Highlighting everything you can because that will make it easier (actually learning the lines would be more productive.)
• Playing a computer game (just one game, that will help clear my mind.)
• Doing something else you've been putting off (I really must finish putting up that shelf.)
• Blogging about it.

Well, that's where I am right now. The aforementioned Captain Cookie's Great-Great-Grandaddy Cookie was shipwrecked in a storm. Let's hope that Captain Cookie doesn't suffer the same fate on stage!

Anyway, I'd better get back to it. I just need to highlight my lines in skit three first. Then maybe just one more game, just to clear my mind. Oh, and I really need to finish wiring my workshop lights. Wait a sec, my blog template needs work.

I'm in big trouble.

I don't need a blog....

...but my wife thought that I should have one, so here it is!